At the first ever Good Funeral Awards my company, Motorcycle Funerals Limited, was nominated for the Best Alternative to a Hearse category and I’m pleased to report that we won. Only two other hearses made it to the Bournemouth Awards, the amazing hot rod and super cool double decker bus. Complete with Marian singing this was all filmed for Sky 1’s Greatest Little Briton series.
As we approach the second Good Funeral Awards, which we’ve quietly ducked out of, I thought I’d give a few tips on how to be a winner. First you need to find people way out of your league and learn from them. I unapologetically studied the best hearse manufacturers, funeral carriage masters and sidecar engineers. I still do. Don’t listen to folk telling you how wonderful you are, it’s better to beat yourself up and after you have finished beating yourself up, beat yourself harder! Don’t get the drinks out and celebrate your imagined celebrity, get the Auto Sol and touch up paint out! In this age of Reality TV reality checks are often ignored, but you need to dump any Big Brother type ideas of playing to the cameras and get scrubbing instead. You might fool your friends, but if you don’t deal with the maintenance you’ll only fool yourself! People can forgive components that go, but there is no excuse for shoddy turnout or lack of maintenance and a good judge will spot it too!
If you want to win at The Good Funeral Awards or any other industry award you need to be a thoroughly unbalanced and determined person, but as well as that I will throw out one more tip, don’t give any time for, ‘he says she says.’ When we were in this competition the various grapevines reported things being said about us. Well so what? You are not there to present your side or win a personal battle, you are there to prove you are the best! When a ship leaves harbour the dogs bark, so let them bark and sail on. Having said that it’s often the case that what you hear is exaggerated nonsense anyway. Both the bus chap Peter and Hot Rod hearse chap David and I all heard stories of each other and allegedly from each other too, but these two men are smart cookies, so we just laughed at this and got on with more important things. No wonder Peter and David had the only other hearses at the awards, with attitudes like theirs it is clear they are both winners!